Monday, January 13, 2003

Well I have arranged travel to go to Leeds to see my mother next weekend and I suppose I will have to wait to see what happens in the interim. I spoke with her on Saturday to let her know that I am going down. She gave me a real ticking off for getting upset again. She actually said that it wasn't as if the cancer was going to kill her, which made me laugh. I suppose that if she can be so upbeat about the situation I should really try to emulate her, but it is so hard when all I really feel is crushing depression combined with total helplessness.

It doesn't help that her first chemotherapy session has been put back two days which then makes me think that there is not as much chance as I was a first led to believe of reducing the tumour. On top of that I have lost a sapphire from the nice dress ring that she gave me when my boyfriend and I started living together and with the timing being what it is that has upset me as well. I know it's silly but my mind was trying to read all sorts of omens into that.


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