Wednesday, July 09, 2003

Life? Don't talk to me about life.

I am so utterly fed up with life at the moment. Most people are telling me it is just a reaction to my mother having recently died but it goes beyond that. I'm just utterly sick of my life, of the same boring routine day in day out. Of having so called friends who spend all their time stabbing you in the back and then having a family that do the same.

The latest is that my mother's sister is telling me that I have absolutely no right to anything of my mothers. I wanted mums wedding ring, but I was told quite catagorically no. When I pushed I was called selfish and ungrateful. In the end she gave me a cheap thing that I would swear she bought at the market earlier that day, it certainly isn't my mothers wedding ring though I am being told that it is. I'm finding that I am being written out of the family history, mum's gravestone is allegedly stating that she is a muched loved sister and aunt but no mention of mother. To cap it all I am now being told that despite my mother naming me as the beneficiary of her pension, and the pension company saying I have a lump sum of money due to me, my aunt is telling me that I'm not entitled to it and if I accept if it the same as stealing. WTF???

Not content with lying to me about how ill my mother actually was, and trying her best to keep me away from Leeds, she is now trying to eradicate my existance. She is too busy dividing up the soils for herself and her kids. To be honest it is beginning to get to me. I'm at the point where I don't know who to trust, or indeed whether there is anyone that I can trust, and if the answer to the last bit is no one then why do I actually bother. I don't know why I don't just lock myself away and forget the whole world because because I'm sick to death of being used by ignorant selfish egotistical bastards who only seem to want me around so that they have someone who will admire them. Well I'm sorry I'm not playing anymore. In fact I don't honestly know why I have to go one living any more as it clear that I serve no purpose.

Maybe I'll feel better in a day or so but I doubt it.

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