Well I have arranged travel to go to Leeds to see my mother next weekend and I suppose I will have to wait to see what happens in the interim. I spoke with her on Saturday to let her know that I am going down. She gave me a real ticking off for getting upset again. She actually said that it wasn't as if the cancer was going to kill her, which made me laugh. I suppose that if she can be so upbeat about the situation I should really try to emulate her, but it is so hard when all I really feel is crushing depression combined with total helplessness.
It doesn't help that her first chemotherapy session has been put back two days which then makes me think that there is not as much chance as I was a first led to believe of reducing the tumour. On top of that I have lost a sapphire from the nice dress ring that she gave me when my boyfriend and I started living together and with the timing being what it is that has upset me as well. I know it's silly but my mind was trying to read all sorts of omens into that.
Ho-hum.
Monday, January 13, 2003
Sunday, January 12, 2003
This week has been a nightmare. I almost feel as though a deity somewhere has it in for me. To bring things up to date:
Tuesday evening: My mother called to tell me that she has her test results back and that she had and inoperable cancer. I told a few people on my IRC channel, finding time to type between bursting into tears and I have a friend in the Midlands that I also told. I managed to get a lot of help and immediate moral support from them and they all gave me the encouragement that I needed to be able to tell my boyfriend (who currently lives in Manchester). It was really bizarre the way it was so much easier to tell the irc people than it was to tell my own partner. Once I had calmed down a bit I was able to call my boyfriend and his immediate reaction was to try to arrange to come up and visit me. I, on the other hand, thought that it would be better if he went to visit my mum. My mood was swinging from desperate sadness, to frustration and anger, all accompanied by floods of tears, so needless to say, I didn't get much sleep.
Wednesday: After having had a dreadful night of very disturbed sleep I got up and tried to get ready for work. However, with continued bouts of crying and being in a complete daze I realised at about 10:30 am that I was late (one and a half hours late at that point) so I rang my boss's secretary and explained what had happened, only just managing to stop myself from bursting into tears whilst speaking with her. I thought I would go to the restaurant on the corner of the street for lunch, so finished getting ready and as I was about to leave thought I'd head into work because I might at least manage to get something done between the tears and the dazed periods. I also thought that if I got back into work it would start to get my mind back on day to day things. It did eventually, but work wise the day was a complete wash out. My boss was away at a conference but he did manage to make time to give me a call, though I don't really think he knew what to say. As I put the phone down I burst into really hysterical tears that must have been heard right across the lab, because our Lab Manager came to see if I was okay, so yet again I had to recount what is happening. Of course this is now spreading right through the department which I'm not sure is a good or a bad thing. On the one hand, it saves me having to tell people why I am so gloomy, but there is also the feeing that it should be me telling people and that this shouldn't be the subject of general gossip. I have a friend who is an oncologist and I had a chat with her. She told me a lot about lung cancer, possible treatments, possible outcomes and that was very helpful. I also rang the Macmillan nurse who will be looking after my mum. She was very helpful, but at the same time she was very firm that she couldn't tell me anything without my mother's permission. She did, however, say that she wouldn't tell my mother anything about our conversation unless I agreed, so that was good. I slept better that night, though it was still a bit disturbed.
Thursday: Surprisingly, I was fairly okay. I got into work without a hitch and managed to get a fair chunk of work done. I was running behind because of Wednesday, but the really big job that I had, I managed to get completed, which left me feeling frustrated because it took the best part of the day but didn't make an impact on the in-tray. Had a really long conversation with my mother and told her that I had spoken with her nurse. I think she was a bit miffed at first but I explained why I'd called and that I didn't want to be in a position where she was too ill or tired from the chemotherapy to call me and that my aunt would be too busy "dealing with things" to bother calling to let me know and that I didn't want to be cut out of the loop. Anyway, mum said that she will tell everyone that they are to let me know what is going on.
Friday: Today was good. I've read a lot about the cancer treatments available, with probable outcomes, and that combined with my mothers really positive attitude is starting to have an effect. I actually feel guilty about being so upset because clearly that isn't what my mum wants. To be honest if I were in the same position I wouldn't want people to be miserable around me, but it is only natural to be upset in the first instance because whether you are expecting the news or not it's a big shock. Added to the fact that both my grandfathers died of cancer so I know what to expect if the tumour metastasises and/or doesn't respond to the chemotherapy, and I know it isn't nice. It isn't something that I ever wanted to see happening again and I particularly didn't want to see it happening to someone close. Still, as my mother say's you have to look at life in a positive fashion or you'd never do anything. So now I am going to go home and have a hot bath and carry on living my life. It's not that I don't care it's just that my mother is going to live her life as she wants to and now isn't the time to drop everything to go and be with her. What she want's most of all is for everything to carry on as normal, and that involves me living in Edinburgh and being a tour guide when she comes to visit. There will be a time when I have to put my life on hold - it just isn't now.
Tuesday evening: My mother called to tell me that she has her test results back and that she had and inoperable cancer. I told a few people on my IRC channel, finding time to type between bursting into tears and I have a friend in the Midlands that I also told. I managed to get a lot of help and immediate moral support from them and they all gave me the encouragement that I needed to be able to tell my boyfriend (who currently lives in Manchester). It was really bizarre the way it was so much easier to tell the irc people than it was to tell my own partner. Once I had calmed down a bit I was able to call my boyfriend and his immediate reaction was to try to arrange to come up and visit me. I, on the other hand, thought that it would be better if he went to visit my mum. My mood was swinging from desperate sadness, to frustration and anger, all accompanied by floods of tears, so needless to say, I didn't get much sleep.
Wednesday: After having had a dreadful night of very disturbed sleep I got up and tried to get ready for work. However, with continued bouts of crying and being in a complete daze I realised at about 10:30 am that I was late (one and a half hours late at that point) so I rang my boss's secretary and explained what had happened, only just managing to stop myself from bursting into tears whilst speaking with her. I thought I would go to the restaurant on the corner of the street for lunch, so finished getting ready and as I was about to leave thought I'd head into work because I might at least manage to get something done between the tears and the dazed periods. I also thought that if I got back into work it would start to get my mind back on day to day things. It did eventually, but work wise the day was a complete wash out. My boss was away at a conference but he did manage to make time to give me a call, though I don't really think he knew what to say. As I put the phone down I burst into really hysterical tears that must have been heard right across the lab, because our Lab Manager came to see if I was okay, so yet again I had to recount what is happening. Of course this is now spreading right through the department which I'm not sure is a good or a bad thing. On the one hand, it saves me having to tell people why I am so gloomy, but there is also the feeing that it should be me telling people and that this shouldn't be the subject of general gossip. I have a friend who is an oncologist and I had a chat with her. She told me a lot about lung cancer, possible treatments, possible outcomes and that was very helpful. I also rang the Macmillan nurse who will be looking after my mum. She was very helpful, but at the same time she was very firm that she couldn't tell me anything without my mother's permission. She did, however, say that she wouldn't tell my mother anything about our conversation unless I agreed, so that was good. I slept better that night, though it was still a bit disturbed.
Thursday: Surprisingly, I was fairly okay. I got into work without a hitch and managed to get a fair chunk of work done. I was running behind because of Wednesday, but the really big job that I had, I managed to get completed, which left me feeling frustrated because it took the best part of the day but didn't make an impact on the in-tray. Had a really long conversation with my mother and told her that I had spoken with her nurse. I think she was a bit miffed at first but I explained why I'd called and that I didn't want to be in a position where she was too ill or tired from the chemotherapy to call me and that my aunt would be too busy "dealing with things" to bother calling to let me know and that I didn't want to be cut out of the loop. Anyway, mum said that she will tell everyone that they are to let me know what is going on.
Friday: Today was good. I've read a lot about the cancer treatments available, with probable outcomes, and that combined with my mothers really positive attitude is starting to have an effect. I actually feel guilty about being so upset because clearly that isn't what my mum wants. To be honest if I were in the same position I wouldn't want people to be miserable around me, but it is only natural to be upset in the first instance because whether you are expecting the news or not it's a big shock. Added to the fact that both my grandfathers died of cancer so I know what to expect if the tumour metastasises and/or doesn't respond to the chemotherapy, and I know it isn't nice. It isn't something that I ever wanted to see happening again and I particularly didn't want to see it happening to someone close. Still, as my mother say's you have to look at life in a positive fashion or you'd never do anything. So now I am going to go home and have a hot bath and carry on living my life. It's not that I don't care it's just that my mother is going to live her life as she wants to and now isn't the time to drop everything to go and be with her. What she want's most of all is for everything to carry on as normal, and that involves me living in Edinburgh and being a tour guide when she comes to visit. There will be a time when I have to put my life on hold - it just isn't now.
Wednesday, January 08, 2003
I have become the Angel of Death
My mother was in hospital just before Christmas with pneumonia that wasn't responding well to antibotics. Whilst she was in hospital she had to undergo a battery of tests, getting the results back when she went to the clinic yesterday. However, the results are not good. She has an inoperable lung cancer and the doctors are hoping to start chemotherapy next week.
Meanwhile, I am about 200 miles away feeling very alone and wondering what to do. I feel angry that this is happening to my mother, and I am also angry at myself for not being there. At the same time my mother is telling me off for getting upset and when I suggested that I move back down south she told me not to be so stupid.
But what am I supposed to do?
Meanwhile, I am about 200 miles away feeling very alone and wondering what to do. I feel angry that this is happening to my mother, and I am also angry at myself for not being there. At the same time my mother is telling me off for getting upset and when I suggested that I move back down south she told me not to be so stupid.
But what am I supposed to do?
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
...and Then Some
Over the weekend Edinburgh has had it's largest fire in living memory. The fire took over 48 hours to extinguish by over 100 firemen. Fire appliances were brought over the Firth of Forth from Fife and other neighbouring districts to help fight the blaze and maintain fire cover for the rest of the City.
It is ironic that this fire has served to highlight why we need dedicated firefighters, when it was a fire in the same proximity that resulted in James Braidwood being commissioned to form the first municipal fire service just at a time when the local authorities and the government seem to be trying to undermine the well trained and highly dedicated firefighters that we already have. It seems to be the view of the employers that these men and women should only expect to have a living salary by working overtime, yet by the nature of the work that they do working regular overtime would more than likely put lives at risk. Let us not forget, these men and women will go into burning buildings at the risk of losing their own lives, to rescue the likes of you and me. These are the people who are often having to extract badly mutilated bodies (sometimes even of young children) from vehicles after car accidents. These are the people who are frequently left to deal with distraught victims of fire or accident right at the time of the initial trauma.
Come on Tony don't be a tight arse. Just give them the money. You know they deserve it.
Discuss Edinburgh
Over the weekend Edinburgh has had it's largest fire in living memory. The fire took over 48 hours to extinguish by over 100 firemen. Fire appliances were brought over the Firth of Forth from Fife and other neighbouring districts to help fight the blaze and maintain fire cover for the rest of the City.
It is ironic that this fire has served to highlight why we need dedicated firefighters, when it was a fire in the same proximity that resulted in James Braidwood being commissioned to form the first municipal fire service just at a time when the local authorities and the government seem to be trying to undermine the well trained and highly dedicated firefighters that we already have. It seems to be the view of the employers that these men and women should only expect to have a living salary by working overtime, yet by the nature of the work that they do working regular overtime would more than likely put lives at risk. Let us not forget, these men and women will go into burning buildings at the risk of losing their own lives, to rescue the likes of you and me. These are the people who are often having to extract badly mutilated bodies (sometimes even of young children) from vehicles after car accidents. These are the people who are frequently left to deal with distraught victims of fire or accident right at the time of the initial trauma.
Come on Tony don't be a tight arse. Just give them the money. You know they deserve it.
Discuss Edinburgh
Life Sucks
You realise that your life has suddenly become very full when you realise that you haven't updated your blog for a couple of months. Is it any wonder then that I feel the need to get a lot of things off my chest?
The two most important things are that my best friend's cat just died. The big blob that turned all my black clothes orange is no more. Last night was very weird because I went to my friend's flat and we sat watching TV and downing a few beers when suddenly we realised we'd spent most of the time talking about the cat and that we were in fact having a wake. Didn't make it any easier and I have cried a few times both last night and today. Charlie put an entry into his blog.
You realise that your life has suddenly become very full when you realise that you haven't updated your blog for a couple of months. Is it any wonder then that I feel the need to get a lot of things off my chest?
The two most important things are that my best friend's cat just died. The big blob that turned all my black clothes orange is no more. Last night was very weird because I went to my friend's flat and we sat watching TV and downing a few beers when suddenly we realised we'd spent most of the time talking about the cat and that we were in fact having a wake. Didn't make it any easier and I have cried a few times both last night and today. Charlie put an entry into his blog.
Sunday, October 06, 2002
Old Photos
My boss has not been giving me much work at the moment which has been very frustrating to say the least. Friday lunchtime he called and apologised and then asked if I could do him a huge favour. Naturally I said yes (I may need a reference from him in the not too distant future). His parent's were visiting for a long weekend and had brought with them an old photo album. My boss wanted the pictures scanning so that they had an additional record of them. So I have just spent Friday night and most of Saturday scanning pictures of my boss as a child. I had to meet up with him today to give him the photo album back and he was so appreciative that I just had to forgive him for leaving me with nothing for a week. On top of that there were some older photos of his grandparents and great-grandparents that look as though they are original dagerrotypes, so I feel really honoured that I was allowed access to them. The other nice thing is that I have been told to take time in lieu at time and a half so it turned out really good in all ways.
My boss has not been giving me much work at the moment which has been very frustrating to say the least. Friday lunchtime he called and apologised and then asked if I could do him a huge favour. Naturally I said yes (I may need a reference from him in the not too distant future). His parent's were visiting for a long weekend and had brought with them an old photo album. My boss wanted the pictures scanning so that they had an additional record of them. So I have just spent Friday night and most of Saturday scanning pictures of my boss as a child. I had to meet up with him today to give him the photo album back and he was so appreciative that I just had to forgive him for leaving me with nothing for a week. On top of that there were some older photos of his grandparents and great-grandparents that look as though they are original dagerrotypes, so I feel really honoured that I was allowed access to them. The other nice thing is that I have been told to take time in lieu at time and a half so it turned out really good in all ways.
Monday, September 30, 2002
Oh-oh
I really must start putting the interesting bits I find into my blog rather than passing them to Feorag and Charlie for inclusion in theirs. Over the past few weeks there have been several interesting things that I've come across and in every instance I've passed it to someone else.
For example, the rant on Kevin Carlyon's website, where he declared himself to be immortal, not to mention that he was going to raise the ghost of Nessie. This is after he put a protection spell on Loch Ness so that she wouldn't be caught! And he insists that in the Harry Potter film the broomstick is being ridden the wrong way. Apparently we only started to depict witches on broomsticks with the bristles at the back when we discovered the principles of aerodynamics. Of course, this flys (oops! bad pun) in the face of woodcut illustrations in 16th century chapbooks (before aerodynamics) where the bristles are at the back, but when did Kev ever let the facts get in the way of a publicity stunt.
My feeling is that this is a guy who really need to get out more.
I really must start putting the interesting bits I find into my blog rather than passing them to Feorag and Charlie for inclusion in theirs. Over the past few weeks there have been several interesting things that I've come across and in every instance I've passed it to someone else.
For example, the rant on Kevin Carlyon's website, where he declared himself to be immortal, not to mention that he was going to raise the ghost of Nessie. This is after he put a protection spell on Loch Ness so that she wouldn't be caught! And he insists that in the Harry Potter film the broomstick is being ridden the wrong way. Apparently we only started to depict witches on broomsticks with the bristles at the back when we discovered the principles of aerodynamics. Of course, this flys (oops! bad pun) in the face of woodcut illustrations in 16th century chapbooks (before aerodynamics) where the bristles are at the back, but when did Kev ever let the facts get in the way of a publicity stunt.
My feeling is that this is a guy who really need to get out more.
Friday, September 13, 2002
Peeve
Today I did some errands for one of the doctors and as I arrived in the department (up two flights of stairs) I was gasping for breath. The combination of asthma, stress and physical exercise does not go together.
So there I am, gasping, and what does the doctor do? He laughs ...... ! big joke.......! In the end the boss thought I ought to have a puff of an inhaler (which we happen to keep in the departmental drug cabinet). So it has a happy ending after all.
Today I did some errands for one of the doctors and as I arrived in the department (up two flights of stairs) I was gasping for breath. The combination of asthma, stress and physical exercise does not go together.
So there I am, gasping, and what does the doctor do? He laughs ...... ! big joke.......! In the end the boss thought I ought to have a puff of an inhaler (which we happen to keep in the departmental drug cabinet). So it has a happy ending after all.
Wednesday, September 11, 2002
Urghh
I am at work. I have a horrible complicated job to do that requires all my concentration. I have a migrane.
This begs the question why couldn't the migrane have held off until tommorrow? Alternatively I could ask Why couldn't I have been given this job last week?
The answer in both cases is "because that would be too easy".
Maybe I will write something when I feel human.
I am at work. I have a horrible complicated job to do that requires all my concentration. I have a migrane.
This begs the question why couldn't the migrane have held off until tommorrow? Alternatively I could ask Why couldn't I have been given this job last week?
The answer in both cases is "because that would be too easy".
Maybe I will write something when I feel human.
Saturday, September 07, 2002
Retard of the Day
Just noticed this in my local newspaper.
"A teen pop star lost four fingers when he waved to fans as he climbed out of a helicopter. Crowds screamed in horror as the whirling rotor blades sliced through 16-year-old Ricardo Abarca's hand at Guatemala City airport."
Now correct me if I'm wrong but I always thought that the rotors were the principle feature of a helicopter, and the fact that they took time to stop was why people usually ducked down as they got off them. And if I know it then surely a 16-year-old boy who is travelling in one should know it.
Or do helicopters act differently for celebrities?
Just noticed this in my local newspaper.
"A teen pop star lost four fingers when he waved to fans as he climbed out of a helicopter. Crowds screamed in horror as the whirling rotor blades sliced through 16-year-old Ricardo Abarca's hand at Guatemala City airport."
Now correct me if I'm wrong but I always thought that the rotors were the principle feature of a helicopter, and the fact that they took time to stop was why people usually ducked down as they got off them. And if I know it then surely a 16-year-old boy who is travelling in one should know it.
Or do helicopters act differently for celebrities?
Friday, September 06, 2002
I Don't Believe It
This morning when I went to the boss's office for the usual what do you want me to do today meeting, I burst into tears. All he'd said was "Good morning, How are you today?"
The reason for the extreme reaction?
I got a phone call from the boyfriend last night telling me that a friend had committed suicide. Not a close friend, just someone that we knew from the astronomy society, but close enough that we would always stop and chat if we met on the street and who had been to our Manchester flat a few times. Under normal circumstances I think I would have said it's a shame and after giving appropriate words of sympathy to relatives would have got on with my life. But this year has been different. This is the fourth person that I know personally who had died since March.
First a guy that lives a floor above me fell down the stone steps of the tenement, resulting in my being "under house arrest" for the best part of the evening (the police woman was very nice and just said politely that I couldn't leave, and when I protested was told that if I really wanted she could make it official) Charlie wrote something in his blog at the time. A couple of weeks after that the old man who lives immediately above me died of a stroke.
My friend, David, died of a heart attack recently (which was the impetus for me starting this blog)., and now this.......
It has gradually built up and is taking it's toll on me. If I sat down and wrote out everything that has happened this year to submit as a plot line for a soap it would be dismissed as unbelieveable. I am sure people are beginning to think that I am a drama queen making it all up to get attention. I wish I was, because then it wouldn't be so horrible and I wouldn't be feeling as though I am sitting on a knife edge between complete hysteria and total numbness. I feel helpless, as though I am an unwilling passenger on a out of control roller-coaster, and at the moment I just want to get off and have my life go back as it was, nice and calm with nothing more than minor storms in teacups.
Whilst writing this entry I am holding down the urge to scream because I am at work and screaming will scare the patients. So, in the words of Penelope Pitstop HAAAAYYYYYLLP!!!!!
This morning when I went to the boss's office for the usual what do you want me to do today meeting, I burst into tears. All he'd said was "Good morning, How are you today?"
The reason for the extreme reaction?
I got a phone call from the boyfriend last night telling me that a friend had committed suicide. Not a close friend, just someone that we knew from the astronomy society, but close enough that we would always stop and chat if we met on the street and who had been to our Manchester flat a few times. Under normal circumstances I think I would have said it's a shame and after giving appropriate words of sympathy to relatives would have got on with my life. But this year has been different. This is the fourth person that I know personally who had died since March.
First a guy that lives a floor above me fell down the stone steps of the tenement, resulting in my being "under house arrest" for the best part of the evening (the police woman was very nice and just said politely that I couldn't leave, and when I protested was told that if I really wanted she could make it official) Charlie wrote something in his blog at the time. A couple of weeks after that the old man who lives immediately above me died of a stroke.
My friend, David, died of a heart attack recently (which was the impetus for me starting this blog)., and now this.......
It has gradually built up and is taking it's toll on me. If I sat down and wrote out everything that has happened this year to submit as a plot line for a soap it would be dismissed as unbelieveable. I am sure people are beginning to think that I am a drama queen making it all up to get attention. I wish I was, because then it wouldn't be so horrible and I wouldn't be feeling as though I am sitting on a knife edge between complete hysteria and total numbness. I feel helpless, as though I am an unwilling passenger on a out of control roller-coaster, and at the moment I just want to get off and have my life go back as it was, nice and calm with nothing more than minor storms in teacups.
Whilst writing this entry I am holding down the urge to scream because I am at work and screaming will scare the patients. So, in the words of Penelope Pitstop HAAAAYYYYYLLP!!!!!
Tuesday, September 03, 2002
Friends
Well I just found out that my friend Charlie didn't win a Hugo, which is a shame because the nominated story was mighty fine. On the positive side it might mean that we can get his ego under control, because for the last couple of months it has been running away with itself, and trying to take over the world (narf). Currently I'm having a break from The Ego because Charlie took it to San Jose along with his long term partner Feorag. They arrive back next weekend at which point I (and anyone else within radius) will have to put up with the tales of what we did on our trip to California repeated add nauseum and it's no good saying that you've heard that tale because in five mins time you will get it again...... and again..... and again.....
But this is what you get when you have a self important, self obsessed couple as your best friends.
Well I just found out that my friend Charlie didn't win a Hugo, which is a shame because the nominated story was mighty fine. On the positive side it might mean that we can get his ego under control, because for the last couple of months it has been running away with itself, and trying to take over the world (narf). Currently I'm having a break from The Ego because Charlie took it to San Jose along with his long term partner Feorag. They arrive back next weekend at which point I (and anyone else within radius) will have to put up with the tales of what we did on our trip to California repeated add nauseum and it's no good saying that you've heard that tale because in five mins time you will get it again...... and again..... and again.....
But this is what you get when you have a self important, self obsessed couple as your best friends.
Saturday, August 31, 2002
Boom-Bang-a-Bang
I've just got back from watching the Festival fireworks. These happens every year as a final full stop to the Festival. It is sponsored by one of the large Scottish Banks and to get into the Princes Street Gardens you have to buy a ticket which usually costs a fortune. However, the landscape of Edinburgh means that most locals go to the top of Calton Hill to look across at the castle and the display, and if we remember to take a radio we get to hear the music as well.
Last year was a pretty spectacular show using Tchaikovsky ballet music, so there was nice music and the firework display was visually pleasing. This year they tried to be too arty for their own good, lots of coloured lighting effects and showers of sparks tumbling down the castle walls, that were supposed to give atmosphere to the music (Mussorsky's Pictures at an Exhibition) and next to nothing in the way of "proper" fireworks. It was a complete disappointment, especially as the council had closed off all but one entrance to Calton Hill and the police were directing people from the Leith side of town all the way around Royal Crescent to another entrance that was also closed, so we had to walk several times further than we would normally expect to, or even needed to.
The best show all night was the moon, who despite being at last quarter was huge in the sky, and was a beautiful red colour. There was a band of cloud across the middle looking like a veil of sorts. The old girl was stunning, and it didn't cost a penny to look at her.
I've just got back from watching the Festival fireworks. These happens every year as a final full stop to the Festival. It is sponsored by one of the large Scottish Banks and to get into the Princes Street Gardens you have to buy a ticket which usually costs a fortune. However, the landscape of Edinburgh means that most locals go to the top of Calton Hill to look across at the castle and the display, and if we remember to take a radio we get to hear the music as well.
Last year was a pretty spectacular show using Tchaikovsky ballet music, so there was nice music and the firework display was visually pleasing. This year they tried to be too arty for their own good, lots of coloured lighting effects and showers of sparks tumbling down the castle walls, that were supposed to give atmosphere to the music (Mussorsky's Pictures at an Exhibition) and next to nothing in the way of "proper" fireworks. It was a complete disappointment, especially as the council had closed off all but one entrance to Calton Hill and the police were directing people from the Leith side of town all the way around Royal Crescent to another entrance that was also closed, so we had to walk several times further than we would normally expect to, or even needed to.
The best show all night was the moon, who despite being at last quarter was huge in the sky, and was a beautiful red colour. There was a band of cloud across the middle looking like a veil of sorts. The old girl was stunning, and it didn't cost a penny to look at her.
????
I've mentioned that I am pagan, and in true witch style I have all sorts of spells and things written down as reference. Most witches have all their accumulated knowledge written in a nice Book of Shadows. I on the other had have various bits of paper that are all lumped together in any old order in a box (Walkers smokey bacon crisps box to be precise). The result is I can never find anything when I want it.
So today I have bought myself a nice hardback notebook, a new nib for my pen, and some other bits and pieces and I am going to get the whole lot in order. Sounds good..........
BUT..........
I haven't a clue where to start. On one of the pagan mailing list someone recommended a book, however, that is out of print and unavailable in the UK. I tried the library but they haven't got it and are not sure they can get a copy.
Maybe I should just sit and stare at the big pile of papers and hope that they sort themselves out.
I've mentioned that I am pagan, and in true witch style I have all sorts of spells and things written down as reference. Most witches have all their accumulated knowledge written in a nice Book of Shadows. I on the other had have various bits of paper that are all lumped together in any old order in a box (Walkers smokey bacon crisps box to be precise). The result is I can never find anything when I want it.
So today I have bought myself a nice hardback notebook, a new nib for my pen, and some other bits and pieces and I am going to get the whole lot in order. Sounds good..........
BUT..........
I haven't a clue where to start. On one of the pagan mailing list someone recommended a book, however, that is out of print and unavailable in the UK. I tried the library but they haven't got it and are not sure they can get a copy.
Maybe I should just sit and stare at the big pile of papers and hope that they sort themselves out.
Friday, August 30, 2002
At Last!!!
I took a couple of days leave from work (and a huge amount of pleading that took) as boyfriend was visiting and the weather was nice (for a change).
Edinburgh appears to be getting back to some semblance of normality. Princes Street wasn't anything like as crowded as it has been during the festival, you aren't accosted by people thrusting show flyers into your hand every few metres, and the prices in the cafes have dropped down to something akin to reasonable, which is nice for those of us who live here.
Today is the official last day of the festival, so all the venues that haven't already packed up will be doing that over the weekend. And just to prove that the festival is finished we are having a torrential downpour. I think summer in Edinburgh lasted about 4 weeks this year, which is not surprising seeing as we were having intemittent snow and hail storms right up to the middle of April. I just hope that we have a mild winter.
I took a couple of days leave from work (and a huge amount of pleading that took) as boyfriend was visiting and the weather was nice (for a change).
Edinburgh appears to be getting back to some semblance of normality. Princes Street wasn't anything like as crowded as it has been during the festival, you aren't accosted by people thrusting show flyers into your hand every few metres, and the prices in the cafes have dropped down to something akin to reasonable, which is nice for those of us who live here.
Today is the official last day of the festival, so all the venues that haven't already packed up will be doing that over the weekend. And just to prove that the festival is finished we are having a torrential downpour. I think summer in Edinburgh lasted about 4 weeks this year, which is not surprising seeing as we were having intemittent snow and hail storms right up to the middle of April. I just hope that we have a mild winter.
Thursday, August 29, 2002
Thought For The Day*
If we all follow God's will - who gets the bulk of his estate?
* Probably copyright to the BBC
If we all follow God's will - who gets the bulk of his estate?
* Probably copyright to the BBC
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
Honey, I'm Home...
My significant other is here visiting. He arrived last Wednesday and goes back to our Manchester flat on Friday. I couldn't get holiday though, so I was working, leaving him to his own devices during the day. Having been, to all intent and purpose, living on my own for the past two years, this was a scary thought. Boyfriend is now like a stranger to me, he has acquired a whole new set of habits and foibles. Added to which there are things that I have been doing that I have become quite possessive about. One of these things is the computers. I have over the past two years been learning a new operating system (linux). I was perfectly happy using it as a user, in fact, when I was a University I became very friendly with the VAX/VMS system. However, in the last two years I have had to learn how to be a system administrator, keeping the firewall running, setting relays, etc, etc, the bits that are usually referred to as "the hard stuff". I frequently make a mess of it, which then involves running downstairs and pleading with the resident geek to please come and tell me what I have done wrong. Boyfriend is much more computer savvy than I am. So I have been spending all day worrying about the things he could be doing to my computers, and will any of these things have a knock on effect that I won't be able to fix. I am getting to the point where I can't wait to see the back of him because then my nice little flat will be mine, and if I want to slob around in yesterday's clothes there is no one tutting at me and commenting that I'm wearing the same clothes two days running.
Today, it took him two hours to get ready to go out because he kept stopping to "just do something", whereas I was washed, dressed and ready to go. Fortunately we managed to get all the things I wanted to do done but it was a close call, I only just got to one shop in time to get the fabric and binding needed to make a corset, and he had the nerve to complain that I was dawdling.
I have actually come to the conclusion that I like living on my own and I am dreading the time that he moves up here permanently. If only things could stay as they are.......
My significant other is here visiting. He arrived last Wednesday and goes back to our Manchester flat on Friday. I couldn't get holiday though, so I was working, leaving him to his own devices during the day. Having been, to all intent and purpose, living on my own for the past two years, this was a scary thought. Boyfriend is now like a stranger to me, he has acquired a whole new set of habits and foibles. Added to which there are things that I have been doing that I have become quite possessive about. One of these things is the computers. I have over the past two years been learning a new operating system (linux). I was perfectly happy using it as a user, in fact, when I was a University I became very friendly with the VAX/VMS system. However, in the last two years I have had to learn how to be a system administrator, keeping the firewall running, setting relays, etc, etc, the bits that are usually referred to as "the hard stuff". I frequently make a mess of it, which then involves running downstairs and pleading with the resident geek to please come and tell me what I have done wrong. Boyfriend is much more computer savvy than I am. So I have been spending all day worrying about the things he could be doing to my computers, and will any of these things have a knock on effect that I won't be able to fix. I am getting to the point where I can't wait to see the back of him because then my nice little flat will be mine, and if I want to slob around in yesterday's clothes there is no one tutting at me and commenting that I'm wearing the same clothes two days running.
Today, it took him two hours to get ready to go out because he kept stopping to "just do something", whereas I was washed, dressed and ready to go. Fortunately we managed to get all the things I wanted to do done but it was a close call, I only just got to one shop in time to get the fabric and binding needed to make a corset, and he had the nerve to complain that I was dawdling.
I have actually come to the conclusion that I like living on my own and I am dreading the time that he moves up here permanently. If only things could stay as they are.......
Monday, August 26, 2002
Oh Well
I've had my little reflection and have decided what the hell if I sound like a self indulgent whinger. Having looked at other blogs out there in the big bad internet it would appear that I wouldn't be out of place, so I can have my own little piece of self gratification, combined with miscellaneous side swipes and the odd funny thrown in for good measure. I will be going back over the old posts to try to correct some of the grammar and spelling errors, and I will probably add some relevant links as well.
Meanwhile, I am starting to get into my research relating to Paddy Slade (See previous blog entry). Some one has mentioned that her dream is suspiciously like a Rudyard Kipling story but they can't remember which one. If it is true I can throw plagiarism at her as well. The best of all was finding that she is going to be one of the main speakers at the Pagan Federation Scottish Conference next year. I think if I supply the rope there is likely to be a very willing lynch mob.
Happy, happy, joy, joy, joy, joy JOY!!!!!
I've had my little reflection and have decided what the hell if I sound like a self indulgent whinger. Having looked at other blogs out there in the big bad internet it would appear that I wouldn't be out of place, so I can have my own little piece of self gratification, combined with miscellaneous side swipes and the odd funny thrown in for good measure. I will be going back over the old posts to try to correct some of the grammar and spelling errors, and I will probably add some relevant links as well.
Meanwhile, I am starting to get into my research relating to Paddy Slade (See previous blog entry). Some one has mentioned that her dream is suspiciously like a Rudyard Kipling story but they can't remember which one. If it is true I can throw plagiarism at her as well. The best of all was finding that she is going to be one of the main speakers at the Pagan Federation Scottish Conference next year. I think if I supply the rope there is likely to be a very willing lynch mob.
Happy, happy, joy, joy, joy, joy JOY!!!!!
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