Saturday, March 15, 2003

French Miltary Victories

I've just been on the phone to my long suffering other half, who has been told of "The Whole Sorry Affair" or at least the bits that concern me. Of course this turned out to be a very long phone call with emails being read to him in their entirety. His opinion is that I have every right to be upset over some of the things that have been said, that the excuses that are being put forward for the other person's behaviour is a load of bullshit, that I am right in thinking that said other person is playing for sympathy and is generally being selfish, arrogant and rude, and that no I am not over-reacting.

Anyway to cheer me up he pointed me to something.

Go to Google and search for french military victories. Click on the button that says I'm feeling lucky and see what comes up.

It made me smile for all of 2 seconds, which is an achievement considering my mood.

Life? Don't talk to me about life

I wish I was anywhere other than where I am today. I wish I was anyone other than who I am. At the moment I really wish I was dead.

Friday, March 14, 2003

Planning for the future

As I sit here in my rabbit hutch of a flat, I have a sudden realisation that I need to start planning things, in relation to work, home, relationship, etc.

Everything is at a funny point. My partner is in Manchester so I don't see him as often as I would like. We have to vacate the Manchester flat by the end of this month (we've got another one close by to move into). My current job finishes on 14th April and at the moment I have nothing to go to and I'm starting to get worried about what I'll do. Of course, I have next to no social life in Edinburgh and based on happenings over the last day or so what little I have is going to tail off into absolutely nothing.

So now I am left thinking of what to do.

There are a couple of options, first of which is that I could go back to Manchester, seeing as the other half is having difficulty getting job in Edinburgh. The other is that I could struggle through unemployment getting myself into debt in the hope that a job will turn up. Whilst I don't want to go back to Manchester, it would remove the expense of running two flats and I would have the support of my partner.

Edinburgh is a nice place to live but somewhat expensive, and as I've basically just decided that I have had enough of my alleged best friend, who seems to think that being abusive is a joke, that anyone who objects has no sense of humour, and when taken to task over her abusiveness goes into a whole victim performance that is worthy of an Oscar in it's depth and scope, my social life is going from virtually non existant to completely non existant. So it might as well be non existant with people who actually treat friends as friends, not as a verbal punch bag as amusement du jour.

Of course, I could do something completely radical

Candle Light Vigils

It appears that as Bush and Blair move into the final preparations of their plan for total world domination, that there is still much life left in the peace movement.

The latest is for a candle light vigil to be held on the evening of 16th March at 7pm

MoveOn.org and the Win Without War coalition, together with Archbishop Desmond Tutu and many faith-based organizations, are calling this vigil. Beginning in New Zealand, a rolling wave of candlelight gatherings will quickly cross the globe. It's up to you to make this happen. Organizers are hoping that thousands of small groups around the world will be inspired to come together and stand for peace.

Anybody know whether this is going ahead in Edinburgh and if so where it is to be held. Princess Street Gardens would seem a good option.

Oh Joy!

University libraries are very interesting places. For example, yesterday I just checked out the following texts:

The Greek Magical Papyri in Translation and
Papyri Graecae Magicae/Der Griechischen Zauberpapyri (2 vols)

So if you want a spell for "Fever with shivering fits" I can supply it in English, Greek or German.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

I used to have a life...

There are so many things that I wanted to up put in here but I haven't had the time. I think it is something to do with having to work until almost 10 pm most nights and barely getting time for lunch breaks much less a life

Couple of high and low lights are:

Last Wednesday leaving work at 10pm to be confronted by a fox in the hospital grounds. Never knew they could manage such a look of contempt, (they must be related to cats). Got cab to Holyrood Tavern got nowhere near drunk enough but still managed to crush fingers between the door and wall whilst leaving the loos. (Thanks to all who fussed and helped, it wasn't a bad injury, it just felt like it was)

Thursday: Bunked off work early (4pm) to go on the Edinburgh Anti-War demo. Heckled the pro-Palestinian speaker. After all when the Israeli government was adhereing to the peace policy, what happened? Yup, Palestinian suicide bombers attacking pizza palours crowded with teenagers, supermarkets on the main shopping day, school buses etc, etc. Of course, this is acceptable, but just let Israel increase security to try to stop the suicide bombers and they are being aggressive and breaking human rights treaties. Is it any wonder that the Israelis voted for Sharon? The people went along with the peace process because the hoped that everyone would be able to live together and not worry about their children being blow to bits, and all that happened was more of their children were being blown to bits. In all the "evil Israel" messages no-one mentions that rich arab countries actually pay large sums to the families of suicide bombers, that many of these Islamic Palestinian groups probably have stronger connections with Al-Qaeda than Iraq.

Saturday night: Stayed up to watch the motor racing. Coulthard won - poo! - as if his head isn't big enough.

Friday, February 28, 2003

It's taken a long time for me to get around to doing an update, mainly because there has been something brewing in the back of my mind that I wanted to vent about, but didn't feel comfortable venting. A week after the events I still don't feel that I can put the feeling down without upsetting people. Maybe that is part of the problem. I don't vent over little things until it reaches a point where I have to have a big blow up, and then the battle axes really start flying around, whereas last Saturday I walked out of a pub in a way that people, knowing that there was something wrong put down to my being ill. Well I was in a way as I was as depressed as hell. The whys and wherefores are not important now and the people who asked what was wrong have been given reasons. It still hasn't stopped me feeling depressed or stopped me from feeling that I want to lock myself away from the world, to the point that even the thought of updating the blog, this journal, answering emails and so on has increased my depression. I'm sick of going into work and smiling, of being nice and helpful to people. I'm sick of having to be part of the adoring masses to various people that I know. I'm fed up of being a nobody that isn't even perceived as having a worthwhile opinion about anything. I'm sick of doctors telling me to take these pretty pills that will help me pull myself together and most of all I'm sick of living a life that is increasingly becoming the extension or tool of other peoples egos.

But enough of me lets talk about you...

Thursday, February 20, 2003

Thoughts about Blogs

The news that Google has bought Pyra Labs hit the Edinburgh crowd like a brick. Of course, there was much talk centred around whether this is a "good" or a "bad" thing. On the plus side it does seem to indicate that blogging is going mainstream. It is re-affirming a phenomenon that the news agencies discovered in the wake of 9/11 that when there is a major event/news story people go on-line to the extent that sites like CNN, Fox and even our own BBC couldn't cope. Much of the information I got that day came from internet sources for example various mailing lists and also from the Usenet bulletin boards. Blogs provide pretty much the same sort of coverage, being information that people have heard from various sources, together with how the event is impacting on their own personal experience. The negative side is how companies, like Google, handle the information within blogs. As a socio-historical record of how people live, work and interact in a world that is becoming increasingly driven by technological advances it is second to none. The main worry I have is that Google, being driven by shareholders and a bottom line are going to use their position as owners to data mine blogs, extracting information and demographics that are a valuable resource to market research companies. Monster have already done this using CVs lodged with various job search websites that it owns, and Yahoo keep resetting options for their users so that they can sell information gleened from user profiles to marketing companies.

The whole discussion about the function of blogs set me thinking along another line. Why do we do it? There are lots of ordinary people like myself who have blogs that are updated infrequently. Yet I would suspect that in many cases only a handful of people ever view our rants, raves and witterings, being restricted to close friends and acquaintences. Having blogs coming up on searches would increase out exposure. Or would it? For example, a friend of mine, Charlie, is a writer. What if he and I are working over a weekend fixing computer, and we both blog in detail the problem, the fix, the problem that the fix caused, the new fix etc. Whose blog will people turn to? I suspect that people would go to Charlie's blog, and the reason is simple, he is a writer, he is a computer journalist, he has a high profile. I on the other hand am an unknown who has jumped the blogging bandwagon. It wouldn't matter that in this little made up scenario my blog may be more indepth. I'm an unknown and Charlie is a name. The vast majority of bloggers are going to fall into this "we don't know you so we won't read you" category and unless we manage to produce twice as much output as the "name" bloggers, whilst consistently matching their quality of writing, the balance will always be uneven.

Will Google buying Pyra, change this state of affairs? Will anything? Does anyone care?

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

War with Iraq

Whilst I didn't go on the Anti-War demo I am very much against the stance that the British Govt is taking. Despite my own failing to get my arse across to Glasgow I am pleased to see that many others are not as lazy as I am and much respect to those of you who did march.

One of the things that, in my mind, stands out in the govt rhetoric is their insistance that this is part of the "War against terrorism". Now I will grant that Saddam Hussein is a nasty piece of work, but apart from his own people I haven't seen any evidence that he is doing anything in the way of openly terrorizing his neighbours and I think the way he was forcibly evicted from Kuwait put paid to any plans of expansion that he may have once had. (I could be wrong there because I am neither an expert in Middle East politics nor psychology).

However, reading the BMJ (1) I noticed a news article highlighting the release of a report (2) relating to the mental health of Iraqi children. This report is based on the the work of a humanitarian fact finding mission, that interviewed families in Iraq at the beginning of the year. The team included two child psychologists who report that:

"..the children have "a great fear" of a war that they perceive to be "hanging over their heads." Children as young as four described ideas about the horrors of war. They were fearful, anxious, and depressed about the prospects of armed conflict... Many have nightmares, and 40% do not think that life is worth living"

To me these children are being terrorized, and yes I do mean terrorized

The Oxford English Dictionary (3) give the meaning of terrorist as:

1. As a political term: a. Applied to the Jacobins and their agents and partisans in the French Revolution, esp. to those connected with the Revolutionary tribunals during the ‘Reign of Terror’. b. Any one who attempts to further his views by a system of coercive intimidation. In early use also applied spec. to members of one of the extreme revolutionary societies in Russia. The term now usually refers to a member of a clandestine or expatriate organization aiming to coerce an established government by acts of violence against it or its subjects.
2. Dyslogistically: One who entertains, professes, or tries to awaken or spread a feeling of terror or alarm; an alarmist, a scaremonger.


Now correct me if I'm wrong (and I really don't think I am) but looking at the definition at 1b, isn't this what Bush and Blair are doing to the children and people of Iraq? Further isn't the stepping up security at airports and reporting more and more about the perceived threat what Blair is trying to do to us here?

So who are the real terrorists?

REFERENCES
1. Clark. BMJ 2003;326: 356 Link to BMJ News 15th February 2003
2. Our Common Responsibility: The Impact of a New War on Iraqi Children Link to Reports at War Child Canada
3. Oxford English Dictionary On-line. Link to definition

Monday, February 17, 2003

Officially Insane?!

Surfing the web I re-found the link to the Insanity Test. Yes I know there are lots of insanity tests around but as one of my major interests is motor racing you will see why I like this one. Despite having seen it before (about 18 months ago) I still started laughing at it.
Flash Alert

I've just got Flash working on my browser (can't you tell) and I'm currently looking at lots of animations. Whilst there is a huge amount of talentless crap out there in webdom, there are also some quite clever and thoughtful pieces, a not insignificant number inspired by the 11 September terror attacks.

Some are quite poignant and others, like this short cartoon, are really quite funny.

Maybe I need to set up a Flash archive. Or better still maybe not.
One for the Sisters

I thought I had seem everything but this Flash animation takes the biscuit. I wonder if the Catholic church know about it.

The main Rubber Nun website is interesting too.

Sunday, February 16, 2003

Cats Galore

I was looking to find the link to the Japanese singing kitten when I came across this. Lots of stuff about cats, though many of the links are to Flash pages. Just wish they wouldn't describe everything as cute.

What in the world makes God Botherers believe that knocking on your door on a Sunday afternoon to discuss The Bible is going to endear them to you. I have just had the Jehovah's Witlesses around. Not the usual old woman/young woman partnership. No this time was a very nice looking young bloke (5'10", short blond hair, cute smile, aged mid 20s, I'd say) and a young asian woman (Far East, Malaysia or thereabouts, 5'5"ish, quite pretty, disarming smile).

Young Man: Good afternoon. I know this probably isn't the best time to call, but we were wondering if you had a few minutes to spare to discuss The Bible. [Short pause] We would like the opportunity to discuss why we believe that current events were predicted in The Bible.

Me: Sorry I don't wish to be exposed to your heresies [Shuts door in young man's face]

It was only later that I realised that this could have been the start of much amusement.

Damn, I've got to learn to put my brain in gear before opening my mouth.

Friday, February 14, 2003

Government Stupidity

In response to the Belgian supreme court ruling that Israeli military commanders could be prosecuted for their part in the 1982 Sabra and Chatilla massacres, the Israeli government are screaming anti-semetism and an accusation that Belgium are raising 'a "blood libel" against the Jewish people.'

The Guardian have reported the story here including a brief description of the blood libel.

He Loves Me!

I just collected the package my boyfriend sent from Manchester. Apart from the obligatory Valentine's Day card, he sent me his last Rolo.

All together now. Awwwwww.

YAY!

I found the game. I can't think why software is on the Hitler bookshelf. I'm now off to spend an enjoyable evening bankrupting capitalists, killing warmongers and smiting fundies.

Don't wait up.

A little bit of poetry for a Friday afternoon

I was going through old issues of the Lancet (like you do) and I came across this poem (again)

night-crossing

i wake to find myself
exactly halfway
between last night and
touching you.

i can tell by this uneasiness.

by the way these feverfews
have come to harm, how
the thin
velvet of their dusted
wings
weaken and fold
beneath a litany of false alarms
halfway
between burning down and coming true.

this is the season of falling satellites, the internal bleeding
of unwritten poems, forest fires for no reason
and i am waiting for news of all
of these, and cannot sleep
until you put your arms around me like a bay
and i tide in and out of you, until we run aground
and have nothing left to say.

you are listing, unsure
if it is my hand in your or yours in mine

if your pulling away will leave me falling behind.

Michael O'Reilly
Ramelton, County Donegal, Eire


(Or if you want the proper reference: O'Reilly. The Lancet 1995; 346: 1543)

Thursday, February 13, 2003

My phone has been ringing like an emergency hotline tonight. Seems as though everyone and his dog wants to speak with me.

In among the calls was one from a friend in England checking I was okay because I'd been quiet, who is then telling me about his latest string of potential conquests, which left me so f****** depressed. It just highlights the difference in attitudes to men and women. This friend is only about a year younger than me and seems to be getting interested ladies left right and center. Whereas I am perceived as being over the hill and not worthy of a second glance. It's a rotten f****** double standard and it's f****** unfair. Why should an almost 40 year old woman be seen as unworthy of attention when a nearly 40 year old man is seen as highly desirable? Why the f*** should experience be a virtue for a man and yet mark a woman out as being a slut? Why don't I just blow my f****** brains out and be done with it?
Okay, okay so I don't update as regularly as I should. So what? It's my blog and I'll update when I want.

Anyway I have been frequenting different parts of the internet recently and have been introduced to a couple of tidbits, which I present here for your delight and amusement.

Firstly, thanks to a one of the geeks in a linux chat room for this. Remember folks it's a joke.

Then there the Restroom Rules as brought to my attention by Mike (thanks mate).

And finally, on a topical note a bunch of folks protesting the forthcoming war against Iraq but a banner over a billboard which I just had to laugh at.

Well that's it till next time.