I've had enough!

I am retreating into the examination room to wash my hair and get ready for my leaving do tonight. having been somewhat crafty I have tied this in with my normal Thursday night drinking session, so if anyone who knows me is remotely interested I'll be in K Jacksons from about 8pm onwards.

Bloody computers

I have three computers that are working after a fashion and nowhere to put them. That will be fixed shortly as I have acquired a desk from work that was going to be put into a skip. It was deemed as being too small to work on, so was replaced by a huge thing that has half an acre of working area. However, as my flat is tiny, a small desk is perfect.

Meanwhile....

At work I have about half a day's work to do and the best part of a day and a half to do it but the iMac has decided to play silly sods and keeps crashing. I open a browser... crash. I open my email... crash. I sneeze too loudly... crash. I think it knows that I am leaving and has decided to go on strike. Not that I actually care a flying fart. I can't remember the last time I was so looking forward to unemployment. This could be something to do with the way the boss has gone off on annual leave without even bothering to say cheerio, or thanks for all your work, or anything. Or it might be the way that I have been given the shittiest jobs to do (like the ones that you'd be embarrassed to ask the office junior to do as a favour) and has had life and death importance put upon them. I've worked late, I've worked weekends and all I've had in return is complaints that tasks aren't being done quickly enough. The only problem with not working is the lack of money, but if the worst came to the worst I could always move back to Manchester and become a lady of leisure, or get my other half to finance me through a degree of something. So even that isn't too bad, I suppose.

Fun with computers

Got up relatively early on Saturday. Okay so 9:45 isn't that early, but seeing as I hadn't gone to bed till about 3:30am I think I did well. A friend came around at 10:00 and we went off to Maplin's to get one of their motherboard/CPU/fan offers. We also got a case and a few other bits and pieces. Walked home with purchases, stopping off at Henderson's for lunch (giant potato, spinach and cheese croquette, with a three of the salads on the side and a nice big glass of fresh fruit smoothie to wash it down - yummm).

Arrived home inspected purchases, and took existing computers off line. Opened up the boxes to see what was where and decide what additional bits were needed (not much). Friend had some things to do at his home so we went to the cash point for more dosh, on to another computer shop for the missing bits (RAM, hard drive, ect) and we each went to our respective homes.

Friend came around later and we built the new machine, set it up to install the OS and set up my old machine so that we could transfer the data from one to the other. At that point we called it a night.

Sunday wasn't such an early start (about noon). Friend has a machine that is in a half size case and is running out of room , whereas I am going to have a firewall machine with next to nothing in a full size case, so we were going to swap them over.

Problem one

Both machines are old, but not of exactly the same vintage so whilst my stuff would happy go into his case, his wouldn't go into mine (power supply cables were different). We thought about swapping the power supplies but the switch on one wouldn't work in the other case.

Put everything back and then my power supply unit failed completely. Not a problem I have a spare. We balance the spare PSU on the case and wired it up, the machine booted okay. So we swapped it for the broken supply. At this point the newly installed supply decided not to work. Anyway it was Sunday, it was late, and I had work today so we left it.

I set up what was my old machine (and is now going to be a windows (games) machine) and started playing Command and Conquer to relax before bed only to discover

Problem Two

The CDROM is cutting out intermittently. It was working fine right through the first mission but then just died, causing the game and by extention the machine to crash. I rebooted and this time the CD wasn't even detected, three attempts later it recognised the CD and spat the disk out but when I closed the tray it had decided that the disk wasn't there again.

The result is that I now have three machines that are currently about as much use as door stops and no time till next weekend to get things up and running. It seems that whoever said that computers were going to make life easier was lying.

Ha!

Last night I went to the pub. She who is trying to make out that she is being maligned behaved as though my being there had spoilt her whole night. Went to the pub tonight she stood on her own at the bar having done a u-turn upon seeing me. Do I look like someone who cares? Yeah your right.

It's getting to the point where she is looking like a complete prat, and people are actually noticing this and commenting that she is behaving like a five year old. And I just sit there and smile and ignore her. You see I have learned that I can hold my own with people, I don't need to make other people look small to make myself look big. I grant that I have a nasty temper that wise people do not get on the wrong side of. More importantly, I've decided that I am going to have a social life and if some psychotic attention seeker wants to fantasize about my being a threat to them then okay. If they want to lie about me - fine. I know the truth, the people that know me know the truth, and it isn't actually hurting me. The person who is behaving like a brain dead twat is on the other hand starting to get bad press as people notice the stupidity. Lets face it, if you insist on being the center of attention when you're actually a complete bore, people tend to be glad to see the back of you.

I knew it!

Got the letter telling me that I hadn't got the job I was interviewed for.

Shall I just slit my wrists now and be done with it?

Poo!

Got a letter from the University today. I had a feeling that it was a rejection letter, so took a couple of deep breaths prior to opening it, and guess what, it was. However, it was telling me that I hadn't been invited for interview for one of the posts I'd applied for, which is good news I suppose, though I'm still waiting for news of the job I was interviewed for. I'm not holding my breath though.

Not a great deal I can say. Great march, excellent turnout (though the police estimated down the numbers - again). Noticed that Plod thought that the American Express shop and the McDonald's next door to it needed special protection (????). Met lots of people I knew, made some new contacts. Generally had a good time, whilst letting it be known that I oppose the illegal and immoral actions that Blair is forcing upon our troops. The biggest surprise was as we were going up Lothian Road, a group went through the barriers and totally blockaded the road. Unfortunately by the time I was at the spot Plod was stopping more people joining and so after a bit of deliberation most of the people at the back of the march carried on toward the Meadows. The march was really spread out at this point. A couple of the drivers stuck in the traffic were sounding their car horns and giving us the thumbs up. Many more were waving and giving the thumbs up sign. A group of young people on a bus started cheering and chanting. I suddenly realised that whilst the govt are busy saying that the protesters are a vocal minority, there are many more people out there who are against this madness that just don't want to get involved with the marches. I can understand it to a point.

These anti-war demo's, like all others end up being hijacked by other groups who want to make their cause visible, so there are the inevitable speeches that are nothing to do with the issue we were protesting. But, hey, that's all part of the fun, though I do wish that the organisers would realise how it alienates people.

Walked home, stopping off at Waterstones where I spent too much money (I know, it's traditional), but the end result was that I was in bed reading till about 5 am (Fatherland - Robert Harris been promising myself that I would read that for at least the last five years) and so didn't get out of bed till past noon. Of course, that has lead to the usual tired clumsiness, so I now have a wound on the back of my ankle that is gushing blood, and a laminate wooden floor that is going to need a going over with the mop. Hope it heals for the next march.

After complaining of the massacre in Iraq whilst waiting for my curry at the local carry out, (exactly what is the military significance of a museum dedicated to the life of a country's leader), I was surprised to be given a gift of The Quran by one of the members of staff. I thanked him politely, and left without knowing what else to say. No hard sell "this is the only true religion" stuff that you get from the likes of the Jehovah's Witnesses,etc. Just the simple words "Please accept this as a gift from me to you".

Strangely touching.

WOW!

Having been up most of the night being mostly shocked by the news footage of Baghdad being blanket bombed, I slept in and missed the beginning of the anti-war march. Got into town and managed to duck in as it was crossing the top of Leith Street. Met a few new people and had some nice chats about various issues, made a few new contacts. There was apparently a scuffle somewhere at the back of the march and a few people were arrested, though the reports from many witnesses were that the people arrested were doing nothing and that the police were heavy handed using batons. A police officer who spoke to the crowd said that the arrests were for minor incidents and that the people would be processed and released shortly. However, by the time we had heard all the speakers no one had been released to it was decided that we would all move on and block the junction of Princes Street, Lothian Road, Shandwick Place. That turned into an open mike and a bit of a party. Met up with and and had an interesting discussion and planning session for next weekends protest.

Crowd then all moved on to St Leonard Police Station to demand the release of the arrested people.
Police tried to keep stopping the march at various junctions and to direct the route of the march but the marchers were having none of that. The police horses were great. They went virtually all the way over the bridges backwards and horses do not normally like doing that. Anyway we finally got to the police station, the crowd settled down for a long wait and the banter began.

An example:

Protester 1: I want to see Inspector Rebus
Protester 2: Is he the Rankin officer? [1]

After a while as it was getting dark and I hadn't eaten much, I decided that home would be a good idea. And now I am waiting with a mixture of excitement and dread over the action that I have volunteered myself for next week because when I told my mother I was protesting, she told me not to get myself arrested. Of course, she did then tell me not to go hitting any more policemen, so I suppose that she thinks hitting policewomen will be fine. Well okay maybe not.

[1] For those who don't know Inspector Rebus is the central character in a series of crime novels by Ian Rankin. They are set in Edinburgh and have Rebus based at St Leonards Police Station.

Anti-War Protests

I was just sent a post on a mailing list about a feminist protest plan. Full details follow, though it's not one for the narrow-minded.

Tampons for Peace

Against the war in Iraq? SEND BUSH A TAMPON!

From March 15th to April 1st, people all over the country are going to send President Bush a tampon that has been dyed red (with marker, paint, food coloring, anything but actual blood--that would be a biohazard...) along with the message:

"YOU WANT BLOOD?

HAVE SOME BLOOD.

FEMINISTS AGAINST THE WAR.

~
By sending these tampons we are saying that just as we won't be silent about our bodies, we won't be silent about our opposition to this war. Silence is compliance. Silence is undemocratic. We make a connection between blood shed for life and the blood our supposed enemies shed in death. We say not by our blood, not in the name of the American people."

Get your friends together for a tampon staining party--it'll be fun *and* productive! Try to mail your tampons in the second half of March (the earlier the better, but any time is okay) to The White House / 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW / Wash, DC 20500.

That way President Bush can absorb the heavy flow of anti-war sentiment!

I thought it might be fun to do something similar, but then I remembered that the Government charge VAT on "women's hygiene products" so they still be making revenue out of the protest.

Could still be worth it though.

Dammit. I'd forgotten how much fun civil disobedience can be

Ahem!

Arrived late yesterday evening for what turned out to be a very enjoyable anti-war march. Met lots of new people, got hugs and email addresses from people I've never met before and have generally started networking. Was pointedly ignored by the person who I've had the altercation with. Notice that I was blocked from accessing their LJ, and the rumour mill is that there were nasty and potentially untrue comments made. Of course, because I wasn't able to see them and the rumour mill suggested that these entries have now been deleted, I can't comment on what I was told they said. I'm just left thinking that it's bloody typical of this person. Always been known as an attention seeking backstabber.

And so It begins...

The deadline has passed and now there is the uneasy calm waiting for the first bombs to start dropping on Baghdad, and the woman giving the weather forecast is prattling on about having nice enough weather to sit out in the garden over the weekend. I am screaming at the screen to shut up and doesn't she know that hundreds, possibly thousands of people will be dead by then. There is a world wide alert of possible terrorist attacks against British citizens. And I feel guilty, that there is something I could have done to stop this. I know it's a stupid sentiment, I've done what I can. I've lobbied my MP and given praise when he voted against the government, I've bunked off work to go on marches, I've been on the candlelit vigil and signed on-line petitions, but it hasn't been enough.

It's depressing.

An interesting and strangely appropriate quotation

I'm on quite a few mailing lists and today from one list (KabbalahConcepts) I received a post as follows:

"Hate to hurt.....

Conquer the will to kill.....

Revenge is wrong.....

Be fearful of being brutal.....

Force ferocity to be subdued.....

Cruelty is something we recognize so easily as a physical activity,
yet find so hard to identify in its finer but no less dangerous forms.
It is essentially a misuse of power by a strong entity toward a weaker
one on the same plane of action.....

Cruelty is only possible as a calculated discharge of destructive
energy directed at feebler creatures unlikely to retaliate
effectively.....

The motivation of cruelty is commonly again the artificial
ego-enlargement resultant from its practice.....

If we can make others frightened of us we seem larger by comparison to
their shrinking. That is the secret of cruelty. A false sense of boost
because of aggressive action which appears to avoid injurious
reprisals. To hurt and kill some helpless and defenseless creature
makes cruel people feel enormously powerful by contrast.....

Nobody hates being hurt more than those who hurt with hate.....

Let those who think they could not be cruel examine what conscience
they have within their own life-frameworks."

- William G. Gray (The Tree of Evil)


I was struck by how much this sums up my feelings. Bush is a bully, his country has been hurt and humiliated and as a bully he cannot accept this. His abhorrence of his country being hurt goes so far as to be hatred. It is this hatred that is in turn turned outward to other counties. 9/11 made him turn to the Taliban in Afghanistan, and so the might of the US military bombed the people a bit further into the stone-age that had been caused by years of conflict with the Soviet Union and subsequent neglect under the Talibs. Having seen the Afghan regime crumble under the weight of US munitions, Bush looked around at who else he could bully, and there was Iraq. I expect in Bush's mind Saddam had humiliated his daddy, and so the hatred grew and with the puffed up chest of a bully who has won one playground battle, he starts his next campaign. And so Iraq will be destroyed.

Which leaves one question.

Who will be next?

It won't be the UK as Tony Blair is following along like the smarmy little kid who held the bully's coat while the schoolyard beatings took place, giving the sly kick now and again to ingratiate himself further with his master. But just like in the playground, when this current war is over everyone will be looking over their shoulders, because to a cruel bully on a winning streak everyone is a target.

Many thanks to Jacobus Swart for allowing me to use his post

United States of Terrorists

I said some time ago that it was the USA and UK govts that were the real terrorists in this soon to be fought war. So it is with mixed feelings that I point you to this link about the proposed campaign plan from the US military. Why do I feel like this is just a bad dream and if only I could wake up everything would be okay?

139 Labour MP's rebel against the Govt

The full list of MP's who voted against the Govt in the war vote last night are listed on the BBC's website.

It's surprising the number of big names that are on there, like Diane Abbot, Tony Banks and Robin Cook. There are also a couple of names I wouldn't have expected to see. I worked with the Labour Party in Leeds many years ago and some of the MP's from that area I know from when they were City and Met County Councillors (that kind of dates it - Thatcher abolished the Met Counties with the GLC, but I digress). Whilst some like John Battle have disappointed me over the past few years with the way they seemed to have forgotten what Labour principles were about, others have lived up to their past image of being little more that political up-suckers, changing their stance to whatever is likely to get another rung higher on the political ladder.

Well I have been surprised. I have to take back my bad mouthing about John Battle, he showed that he has maintained some integrity after all. Most surprising was Jon "How can I turn this to my advantage" Trickett. This is a man who would made the stereotypical used car salesmen look honest and respectable. I'd never have expected him to rebel against the govt in a million years, cash in on the misfortunes of those who get sidelined by rebelling yes, but to see his name in the list of rebels - well I nearly fell off my chair.

I also noticed that Claire Short's name was conspicuous by it's absence from the list. I think she should have resigned when she threatened to, because now she is a political laughing stock and no one will take her seriously. Damn and I was hoping that she would make a challenge for the party leadership. Shows how wrong I was.

Somebody clearly doesn't like the truth to be told. I'm suddenly barred from their LJ so that they can bitch behind my back. Just that persons style.Whereas if I have a bitch it's in public for all to see. Hey I might just really set the cat amongst the pidgeons and let the whole world know the sordid little secrets.

Okay so it's sinking down to that person's lack of morals, but hey I have nothing to loose, whereas they...

Oh Gawd please no!

I appears my feeling grot is nothing to do with the beer. I'm been progressively turning down the brightness of my iMac's screen till it's now as low as it goes yet it is still too bright. I can't deal with noise, and now I'm starting to see blotches of light that are blinding me.

Yikes it looks like it's a migrane

WTF?

Candlelit Vigil was cool, met up with some folks from work, and later with Steve. Went to the pub for food and beer. I only had two pints of Stella yet this morning I have a headache that would imply I'd drunk a hell of a lot more. It seems that suddenly I can't hold my beer. This is not good.

Apparently, the person that I've fallen out with is unsocialised and a bad liar. Yes, this person took the old tale that lying is bad to the point were they think that even the "diplomatic white lies" are a sign of hypocracy.

Yes?? Then why is it that I have caught this person out in some real whoppers, and a discussion tonight has revealed that other people have caught the person out in equally big porkies too. Including the one where said person was telling everyone that the live in partner knew all about the affaires and didn't mind, when of course the opposite was true. Hell, I even provided alibis at one point and after the partner threw a wobbly over one "fling" I had to have the "lover" staying with me. I could cite more.

But tell me is this the behaviour of someone who is so taken with the idea that lying is bad that they cannot lie at all?

Nah, didn't think so.

Oh Deity

In the backlash of a home truths saga, I've just hit out at a friend. Not a really good close friend but someone who is getting there (it takes a long time for me to consider anyone trustworthy enough to make the transistion from acquaintance to friend and it's even harder for friend's to make it up to "good" or "best" friend - I suppose that comes from having so called friends doing the dirty too many times in the past.) Anyway, this friend seems to be trying to get me to be friends with another of his friends, whereas my gut instincts are that I don't want this other person knowing I exist much less getting to know them, and it seems to have hit a raw nerve or something. To cut a long (and personal) story short, I ended up bursting into tears and screaching down the phone like some demented banshee about how crap my life is and how I wish I was dead, and other things. And now I think I have totally scared the poor guy off because, lets face it, who in their right mind is going to invest time in showing that they are trustworthy to a hysterical woman, just you can say that she's a mate.

So now I really, really wish I were dead