This is how it works: Comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter in your journal, including an explanation what the word means to you and why, and then pass out letters to those who want to play along.

Live journal user random_redhead gave me S

Soporifics. Which I need at the moment because I'm having another massive bout of insomnia probably because I've been feeling

Suicidal. To a point that the doctor doesn't trust me with too many meds so I have to go to the pharmacist every few days to be doled out more.

Students. Enough said

Stitching. As in counted cross-stitch and needlepoint. Evidence of my addiction is here.

Shopping. I have expensive shopping habits £400+ for a business suit and £200 for this scarf or may be this one I can't make up my mind.

Synthesizers and

Sequensers especially when used by the likes of Paul Nagle, Der Spyra and the guys from Airsculpture to name but a few.

Spectacular the only word I can think of to describe Venice. Pictures here just in case you don't believe me.

Space especially the luxury of having space after being cramped in a tiny place for way too long.

Sleep If only I could without the aid of pills. "To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause"

Interesting

After reading my journal entries, one of the guys I know on IRC said that I wrote like an American who is living in the UK. I'm wondering if this is a good or a bad thing. Answers on a postcard to...

Boston Legal

I'm just starting to enjoy Boston Legal. It's not at the must see point yet, but if I notice it whist channel hopping I'll watch it:

Last night I ended up watching the repeated showing of the episode "Too Much Information" the basic plot being that a woman escaping from an abusive relationship goes to a refuge but because her HMO makes information available on the internet, it was possible for the husband to track her down to her regular medical appointment, lay in wait and murder her. The HMO's defense was that they were using industry standards of internet security. This led Alan Shore (played by James Spader) to make a closing speech that is one of the best non-technical arguments I've heard for the need to tighten internet security. I've transcribed the entire speech below.

"When I was 11 years old there came a time when the temptation to explore the more secretive recesses of my older sister's life became more than I could resist. I started by poking around in her room. I ended by reading her diary. In my defense she kept it right out in the open - under her mattress and the little metal clasp on it was simply no match for the paperclip and the screwdriver. I was eventually caught, prompting my sister to have a lock installed on her door. The only consequence of the invasion of my sister's privacy was the temporary loss of her confidence and trust. The invasion of Jackie Hayden's privacy lead to her being stabbed and left to bleed to death in the street. Privacy, and the safety and security that that word has always implied, has, with time and technology, become an illusion. The National Security Agency has access to all our email the world over with it's Echelon system. Virtually every website you visit installs a delicious cookie onto your computer which is in fact a spy to track your every move. There are predators out in cyberspace collecting data on your children while they innocently type away in chat rooms, and that little waiver you signed in the doctor's office most likely allows physicians to share your information on the internet with insurance companies, the government, your employer and the courts. Make no mistake access to your information is easy. All you need is a person's five digit zip code, gender and date of birth to uniquely identify 87% of the US population. That is how vulnerable we are. How vulnerable you are. Well-Benefits says they could not have possibly foreseen the actions of an abusive spouse intent on causing his wife harm. Let me tell you what Jackie Hayden could not foresee. That after years of cruel and violent debasement at the hands of her husband, after she finally found her way out of the shadows she didn't foresee that the people she most trusted with her health and well being would lead the darkness right back to her door - and now she's dead. Well-Benefits made it easy for Ned Hayden to find his wife. As easy as looking under a mattress."

Discuss.

Photos

I now have almost all the photos of Venice on-line at flickr I just need to go through and add relevant comments. It's amazing that 2 years on we can still remember the routes that we walked around the island and were we got boats, etc. Of course, the photos are a great aide-memoire and help us to work out the details that we might otherwise have forgotten.

Next job will be to get some of the wedding photos scanned so that they can go on-line.

The Clash

Just got in from the after work seminar and reception where amongst other things we discussed academics as media whores (David Starkey, Simon Schama, et al), general inability of students to put their name/matriculation/examination number on assessed course work, students lack of understanding that if they weren't given a handout at a lecture then perhaps there wasn't one, William Wallace's diplomatic efforts to secure the restoration of King John's monarchy, and UCEA refusing to have the previously agreed talks with the AUT to resolve the current dispute and ensuing boycott of assessment and examinations, (as you do).

I just started my media player and the first thing it played was Bankrobber by The Clash. Perhaps it was the dispute conversation that helped to bring back John Otway's alternative lyrics of:

"John he was a trainspotter
But he never hurt nobody
Now he's the Prime Minister
Don't you think that's funny

He spends his day from nine to five
Screwing up the nation
Then he takes his note book out
And goes down to the station"

I remember at the time there were lots of other examples of this kind of witticism, but I don't really see it at the moment. Political comedy at the moment seems to be too angry, too determined to have it's pound of flesh, become too much like the Socialist Worker Party who don't care who's in power but knows that they're bad BECAUSE they're in power and starts campaigning for change the day after the election.

Does anyone have their own favorite examples of 80's political humour?

Dentist

I had another appointment with the dentist today! This was the worst experience I've had at that dentist which is a shame because the dentist herself was really nice and tried to prevent any discomfort for me. It was even worse than the root canal work that was done a couple of weeks ago!! What could be worse that root canal work? How about full impressions. The tooth that is to be crowned is the very back tooth on the top left side so the impression had to go so far back that I was having the gag reflex and as a result started to choke. The dentist used acupressure to try to stop the gag reflex and also did her best help me through the experience, because if she hadn't got a clean impression it would have had to have been done all over again. Anyway the impression was a good and I wasn't too traumatized in the end. So in two weeks time I get my nice new white crown to cover the horrible grey amalgam filling.

Clearing up a point

Someone has said that I was being unfair to Charlotte blaming her for my suicidal state. Can I say for the record that I am not blaming her for my state of mind. It seemed it was the only way to get through to her that I was unable to cope with her problems, and despite telling her, and indeed having posted in my LJ that I wasn't coping with "life the universe and everything" a post that she commented on, still having her off-loading her problems was too much. To then have her refuse to either acknowledge that I had a problem, using behaviour patterns (whether consciously or unconsciously I don't know and will not speculate on as it doesn't help either of us) that were making me feel guilty for not having time for her. I think the final straw was her telling me that she didn't have time for my problems, and flat refusing to even let me voice my mental discomfort whilst she has ignored me saying the same thing to her. Basically, the rant was a cry for help, a final attempt to say I'm struggling too, so if you won't listen to my problems don't off load your problems onto me and don't take away my only support when you have so many others who will support you. It didn't come out like that but that's what it was.

End of subject

UPDATE 24 June 2006

As will be coming out over the next few days the real reason for my blow up was that I knew about Charlotte's affair with my husband. So there I was with my husbands bit on the side (a) driving me to a suicidal state (b) trying to keep my husband away from me whilst I was in a suicidal state and (c) trying to get me to help and sympathise with her issues.

Under the circumstances I think I was very restrained in my handling of the situation.

I'm supposed to be at a wedding tonight.

We've had the invitation to go to a wedding today for ages but I really couldn't face going. My hubby has gone over to Glasgow to show his face and I'm sitting at home not knowing what to do with myself, because nothing interests me enough to overcome the whole "why bother" feeling that I have at the moment. I've tried reading, doing some needlework, watching "Invasion: Earth" on the Sci-Fi channel, and non of it is helping me settle. Bordom and near suicidal depression do not make a good mix! My husband seems to have made sure there are no large quantities of pills in the house and I already know from last week that we don't have any knives sharp enough to cut flesh so I'd have to get the motivation to leave the house to do anything and there is precious little motivation around here at the moment. The pills I'm taking aren't doing any good because they are supposed to help me sleep, but they don't and they are not supposed to give me the groggy hangover effect but they do. I'm getting to the point where I can't even function properly at work because the pills are leaving me dull-witted. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow so hopefully he will give me something better.

Just as I expected

Interesting to find that certain people don't like attention being taken away from them. Thank you Charlotte for all your sympathy. Pushing your own problems onto me and my husband whilst ignoring the fact that I was getting suicidal as far back as November. Oh and for getting me and my husband to run around for you whilst you were unwell even though we couldn't cope. Sorry that the one time I looked for some support from you you weren't able to give it because you couldn't cope with other people's problems.

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO COPE WITH YOUR PROBLEMS OR THE FACT THAT MY HUSBAND HASN'T BEEN THERE FOR ME BECAUSE HE'S BEEN BUSY SHAGGING YOU. NOW I'M READY TO KILL MYSELF. IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT COS IT SEEMS LIKE IT FROM HERE.

Depressed..? moi..?

There's a point in your life when you realise just what worth you have in society.

I finally acknowledged, after years of denial, that I have absolutely no worth whatsoever. I've know this for a while really - the way that my husband was able to stand by unnoticing whilst I was slipping into a suicidal depression, yet when a friend hit a crisis was able to see it coming and dropped everything (probably because he was shagging her) - the way that I've been expected to hide what I'm feeling because it might upset others - the way that in most situations people who I had though were my friends seem to bearly acknowledge my existance. In fact I've just realise that if I were to kill myself, there is absolutely no one who would give a damn.

Unsolicited marketing calls

I was mad with my mobile phone provider, but I have to a degree forgiven them. The reason I'm mad at them is that I seem to be inundated with calls from various marketing companies who are trying to get me to renegotiate my contract with them. Fair enough....

Except.

1. When we signed the original contract we checked the little box that said no marketing calls, and


2. My mobile number is registered with the Telephone Preference Service and


3. The contract isn't in my name so I can't do anything with it anyway

Today I got a call from one such company. I let the guy go through his opening spiel and then dropped the bombshell of the above three points. Most telesales-droids have at least half a brain cell. They are the ones who apologise profusely, make excuses and promise to get the number removed from whatever database they used. I usually let those ones go. Unless they do it again so quickly that I remember the company name. Yes, yes, I should keep a note of them so that I can make complaints if they call again but it's too much hard work for the low number of sales calls that I now receive.

But I digress. Today's specimen from the dungeon levels clearly didn't even have half a brain cell as when confronted with someone who is anything but pleased to hear from him and has said so, launches into a tirade of abuse. I hang up - no problem I have his employer's name. Cue call to Orange to complain about the company and the staff they hire. However, before I get a chance to do that the mobile rings again I answer to be confronted by the same guy. Does he apologise? Try to sell me anything? No... He says, and I quote, "do you suck cocks for rocks?". I snap the phone shut (as an aside, Motorola clamshell phones make a very satisfying noise when snapped shut in anger). Actually I was snapping the phone shut from about cocks so I'm not 100% about rocks, it certainly rhymed with cocks but it could have been jocks if anyone knows the actual phrase could they let me know. He calls back. I answer and in my best phone voice say "This call has been forwarded to Orange mobile and is being recorded for possible police action" before hanging up. I've dialled Orange before he calls again. I switch lines to answer and switch back to customer services, what the hell, it's idiot boy's dime, and by this time I have thoughts of calling the police so the more times he wants to call and sit on hold the better.

I get through to Orange actually ready to tell them I don't want their poxy service anymore but I'm connected to the sweetest, most helpful guy you could imagine. Half an hour later he has given me all the details of the marketing company so that I can make a formal complaint to TPS. He has spoken with his supervisor about putting a complaint to TPS from Orange as well as a formal complaint to the marketing company, he has told me that I need to speak with their malicious calls bureau (MCB) so that they can identify the number that the calls were being made from and what strategies could be used to identify the individual, and whilst I'm beginning to think calling the police is an over reaction the customer services guy is most adamant that it's not something that should be ruled out and that he'll contact the MCB and will if necessary testify in court that I was upset and distressed.

So, yes Orange made a major mistake somewhere when they released my data to marketing companies, but the steps that they've taken when someone acting in their name behaved like a moron has been excellent and at least they are looking to find out how my details were released. Still, I'd have rather not had to go through it.

Most Haunted

Am I the only one who thinks that Derek Acorah is a complete fraud? That the whole show is a sham?

There's always a silver lining

I was ill over the weekend. Of course, I managed to be ill whilst my husband was away visiting his parental units. I spent two days in bed knowing that I can't get anything unless I stagger down the hallway to the kitchen and feeling too awful to want to spend the energy so I'm in absolute dire necessity before I even get up to get a drink. Not that it mattered anyway. Sunday night he got home and fed me tlc which revived my spirits if not much else. Monday I was a little bit better but not really well enough to get out of bed for too long. Sitting upright made me feel nauseous, walking required support as two days in bed leaves your legs a bit weak and shaky, but at least I had the motivation to get up regularly to make sure I had enough to drink, and in the evening I did manage some chicken soup. Yesterday, I felt quite a bit better generally, though I was still shaky and weak, I was able to sit up without feeling as though I was going to throw up, which was the first indication that I was on the mend and was likely to be back at work. So to summarize a completely wasted weekend.

On the good side, though an inability to eat for the best part of three days I've lost 7 pounds weight (huzzah!). I was able to sit uninterrupted for an hour or so and managed to get some photos uploaded onto my flickr account I'm going to spend the next couple of days getting the rest of the honeymoon photos up followed by the photos of the flat. I've also given up on trying to design my own web page as I know that whilst I have the technical know how to do the html and the CSS I just don't have the artistic skills to make it look anything other than a mess.

Sistine Chapel Ceiling in cross stitch

I like doing counted cross stitch and I've done a couple of big projects, but I don't know that I'd dare start something as big as this.

The complete project is 40 inches x 80 inches or 564 stitches by 1,114 stitches which translates to 14 stitches per inch or 196 inches per square inch and gives a total of 628,296 stitches in total. According the information from the designer it was completed 3,023 days after the initial stitch was made and took around 2,872 hours of stitching, this is on top of the 800 plus hours creating the pattern.

I have to say I am pretty impressed with the dedication and perseverance and I'm tempted to buy the book of the pattern, just to get more of the details of this fantastic piece of needlework.

Quirky Search Engine

I've known about the liveplasma search engine for a while, but never really used it. I've always thought that I have wide, boundary crossing tastes. However, a few quick searches later I find that all my preferences are quite strongly linked, proving that I'm more of a mainstream bunny than I thought.

Well What A Surprise

Abu Hamza has been found guilty of inciting murder and stirring up race hate and sentenced to seven year in jail. Now I hate to rain on the law and order parade but this verdict gives me serious misgivings. It's not that I don't think that he's guilty as sin, it's that there had been so much press coverage including some of his sermons and speeches prior to his trial that is there not the possibility that the jury were not fair and impartial on the evidence given. It's not just a case of the law being fair but also it being seen to be fair.

On balance, and from I've read of the trial, I think it's probably unlikely that there was going to be any other verdict. But on the other hand, the rhetoric that has been used in the press had certainly put me in a mindset that had I been on the jury my decision would have been made before the charges had been read. This is the heart of my misgivings. How much information should the media give prior to trials, and how prejudicial is media coverage to the ability to have a fair trial? With journalists increasingly taking upon themselves the role of police investigators are we not in danger of having trial by media fueled public opinion?

Given the rioting that happened on Friday it makes me worry what scenes we are going to be seeing in the near future, and what the implications are for relationships within multi-ethnic communities.

UPDATE

Muslims react to Hamza conviction (BBC website).

This report eases my misgivings on the one hand but also emphasises some of the reasons I had them in the first place.

I don't usually do memes but...

rathgild -- [adjective]: Extremely extreme! 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Thanks lj user spride

Can't Sleep

This is very bizarre because on Thursday night whilst at my media studies course, I was having a great deal of difficulty staying awake. Friday morning I didn't get out of bed till ten past nine (which isn't good when you start work at 9am) and continued to feel like I was falling asleep all day. I arrived home fully expecting to pass out on the sofa, but no, not even "America's Next Top Model" could induce me to doze. I really don't know what is wrong with me at the moment. It could be stress related due to all the upheaval at work, (new professor, new head of subject area, restructuring the pay scale involving regrading, refurbishment of the building, etc); or it could be a virus of some sort; or it could be another manifestation of the depression that I seem to have drifted into. The latter seems to be the most likely based on past experiences though I'm not discounting that the other two options are playing a part. I'm still in the demotivated, "why do I bother?" frame of mind and if it wasn't for the two courses that I am doing (the other is "International Terrorism"), I don't think I'd socialise with anyone. I just want to lock myself away so that I don't notice people ignoring me. I need to dig myself out of this but the more I try the more I just end up overdoing it and winding people up so that they avoid me out of embarrassment, as has happened recently when one minute people are talking to me and the next they are racing to get out of my way.

Maybe I just can't cope with life, the universe and everything.

What a day!

Ikea came today with our furniture. The one thing I like about Ikea home delivery is that as soon as the van is loaded, the delivery drivers call all the customers to say where on the delivery route you are and then again as they complete the delivery before yours. The thing I hate about this is that they make the first call somewhere between 8:00 and 8:30 am. So just before 8:30 we got a phone call to say that we were the first delivery on the list and that they'd be with us in about half an hour. Cue mild panic. Since we moved into the new place we have been stacking the unpacked boxes in the hallway, these all had to be moved so that they stuff can get through the door. No probs my husband got up and started moving all that whilst I had another five mins in bed. Of course, five minutes turned into ten, so it was with slightly more of a panic that I surfaced and got ready. We were ready for the furniture just as the van parked up outside. Phew!

I have spent the day assembling various cupboards and bookcases, with a little help from a friendly Italian who called round. Hubby helped with some of the furniture building but he spent most of the day in the kitchen, sorting stuff in there, making cups of tea on demand, and also coming over occasionally to pass me a hammer or screwdriver that I couldn't reach because I had things balanced precariously. Moving books from the old half height bookcases happened at some point, only to be followed by putting them on the brand new bookcases. Most of this was done by the time we had a visit from Charlotte who helped with the ritual stomping on flat pack packaging aimed at getting it folded to a size that was easy to carry to the bin store. [peeve: our bin store has only one recycling bin which is for waste paper (not cardboard or packaging). Does anyone know the nearest recycling point to Haymarket station?]

After all the hard work was done I slobbed on the sofa whilst hubby made a super meal for us, and later we had some of the cake that Charlotte bought for us. All in all we had a successful day challenging the validity of gender based stereotypes.

By the way, we are pretty much settled in now so it's okay to visit.

Ikea

My husband and I had another trip to Ikea. We had a plan though, so without deviation, hesitation and only a very small amount of repetition we got through the maze in record time. We then had to find the items we wanted in the self-service area. First item, not in the location it should be, next place we look has the right item but in the wrong veneer finish. My husband goes off to the info desk to get revised locations. Comes back with new info and we try again. With only one minor mishap we make it to the checkout with almost everything we wanted and move on to the home delivery counter. I depart to the packing station at the other side of the exit to wrap our small items and after queuing whilst other people faffed around packaged the stuff and made my way back to deliveries to find my husband behind the counter looking at the computer screen. It turns out that the bar-code scanner wasn't working, the girl there had added items by hand and was in a muddle about what was being delivered - hubby was being helpful by matching the items on the receipt with the packing list on screen. That was done and the labels were printed so the girl then started sorting the payment with hubby so I got the labels and stuck them on all our boxes. This was the point that we were called the "most helpful customers she'd had". Anyway goods are delivered tomorrow so we will then have the wonderful task of assembling everything.

Anyway we survived with sanity intact and rewarded ourselves with a nice meal out at Chiangmai. Hubby is going to the pub but I'm staying in putting my feet up and getting on with a piece of needlework.