Today has been very up and down. First thing today I was really depressed to the point that I didn't want to get out of bed, but the postman knocking on the door to deliver a parcel forced me up. I called into work to say that I wouldn't be in and told one of my colleagues what had happened on Sunday/Monday. It seems that news has spread somewhat which makes it a rather difficult situation because on the one hand I don't want my state of mind to be a source of gossip around the workplace, but on the other hand people at least know that something is wrong and if I burst into random tears they will know they are not responsible. I had to go into work to hand in the spare set of office keys but was fortunate to run into the girl who is covering for me whilst she was queueing to get her lunch so I didn't need to go into the office. Went to the cafe at John Lewis to wait for hubby so we could go to the councelling session. At some point during that session (I had my phone on silent mode) I got a call from someone at the Royal Ed. to give me an appointment with a shrink, which was pretty fast work as I only saw my GP yesterday and he said that there was quite a waiting list.
I need to put a filter on my work email but to be honest I've not felt like looking at it and I really need to pull myself together to get back to the office as I really need to get the financial year end sorted, plus there is a huge stack of stuff that I have been too lazy to file that needs checking through as much of it can now be dumped into the confidential waste bags.
Finally, I've had a couple of comments on my stitching blog and I'm touched that people have taken the time to give support to a complete stranger. To the anonymous poster you are right in thinking that my close call with death hasn't made me look at life more positively. If anything when I woke up on Monday I had an overwhelming feeling of regret and disappointment that this was one more thing that I was a failure at. And to Bunny, I think it would have been easier to take had he run of with another man instead if a girl who was slimmer, prettier and 23 years younger than me.
Anyway I am once again going to try to pull myself together enough to get into work tomorrow.
1 comment:
I'm the anonymous poster from the cross stitch blog. Thanks for enabling comments here. I had been reading your entries and wondering how on earth I was going to reach out to you, as your posts had me really worried. Luckily, I noticed your other blog.
Please hang in there. I've had more than my share of depression, stupid men and feeling like I should die. It really does get better. It takes a lot of work and energy (which is super hard to muster up when you're depressed), but you'll make it through.
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