Monday, July 31, 2006

Thoughts

I was reading through Totally Shattered when I noticed this piece. I'd read it before but it didn't click at the time.


My point is that if you choose to do something then nobody else is to blame for your choices and the consequences of your choices. She chose to become involved with a married man, so she cannot hold me responsible for her pain now that he has chosen to go back to his wife. It was her choice, and it is her choice to read my blog.


and further on

What goes through your head as a mistress to believe that anything good can come out of an affair? Do you try and justify your behaviour by creating a belief system that supports the affair eg "She treated him horribly" or "She was a lunatic" or "She was into character assassination".



I'm having to put up with a silly teenager who is blaming me for "wrecking her life" because she chose to become involved with a man who, as well as being married, was almost old enough to be her father. She is blaming me because the man she chose decided that his marriage was worth something. She is the one who is calling me the scum of the earth and saying that I was responsible for the affair for "treating my husband like shit". She was the one pressuring him to leave me and when it all went wrong had no clue as to why she couldn't have her own way. It makes me wonder what kind of delusions she had that could even put these ideas into her head.

10 comments:

S* said...

That's exactly what I don't understand. In Shattered's case, I've hear both sides of the story directly from the source...her perspective and the mistress'. What I haven't been able to understand is why the mistress has been so upset with Shattered. Shattered didn't anything except love a man and be cheated on. And I believe a woman has the right to fight for her husband no holds barred. If a woman chooses to be with a married man, no matter what kind of lies and bullsh*t he feeds her, she must be prepared to deal with the consequences.

rathgild said...

I think the age of "the other woman" has a lot to do with my situation. She is only 19. We've known her since she was 13. It all has a feeling of beeing a schoolgirl crush that has been allowed to develop into something else, and she doesn't have the maturity to understand the consequences. It's also true to say that she is a very selfish person and does tend to "go off in a huff" if she doesn't get her own way, and even as a 13 year old she was very good at using emotional blackmail to get what she wanted. I have suspicions that this is the first time that she hasn't been able to get her own way and as she is so young has been left feeling totally bewildered by the experience.

SolarisGal said...

"She is the one who is calling me the scum of the earth and saying that I was responsible for the affair for "treating my husband like shit". She was the one pressuring him to leave me and when it all went wrong had no clue as to why she couldn't have her own way. It makes me wonder what kind of delusions she had that could even put these ideas into her head"

Why is it that all these stories sound exactly the same???
In my case, my husband told the other woman little details of our marriage, and the other woman who's about ten years older than my husband, was able to actually convince him that I treat him like shit.
In your case, it's kind of a good thing that the little girl is only 19 and doesn't know much about convincing people - cause if she were older, chances are that she might have had a little bit more success in convincing your husband.

rathgild said...

In your case, it's kind of a good thing that the little girl is only 19 and doesn't know much about convincing people - cause if she were older, chances are that she might have had a little bit more success in convincing your husband.

It was a close run thing though. He took the afternoon off work to move his clothes and other stuff to her flat. I was lucky that he decided he should tell me face to face that he was planning to leave rather than leave a note. but the hardest part of all were I said that if he wanted a divorce I was going to name her as co-respondant he actually looked me in the eye and asked if I were so vindictive I'd destroy an innocent persons life. Okay so he'd still with me. I won. And whilst I still love him I really can't find a way to trust him.

shattered said...

Hey guys,

All the stories are the same because these mistresses just are not rational people! They are trying to rationalise their behaviour because deep down they know what they are doing is WRONG!

They have been lied to by our spouses and we have been made out to be the world's worst people because we have treated them so badly. And the mistresses with their low self esteem believe that they are the only thing that the man desires.

Don't forget ladies a man has two heads!

And just remember rathgild that your husband is with you...that in itself speaks volumes.

S* said...

I would not underestimate the ability of a 19 year old. Remember, they're not that far away from childhood, when many girls are Queens of Manipulation. You've seen the way little girls can manipulate their fathers. And as Rathgild described, the girl sounds like she's a spoiled brat used to manipulating to get her way.

shattered said...

So true s*. It really does sound like she has a problem with not getting her own way.

SolarisGal when the lust starts to disappear in your husband's new relationship it will be time for your husband to take a good hard look at himself. Only 10% of relationships between mistress and spouse survive after the marriage/relationship breaks down. Odds are really against them!

Steve said...

It's probably no consolation, but "she" isn't blaming you, is quite glad the married man is no longer chasing her,and has now found someone a lot closer to her own age with whom she's getting on rather well....

rathgild said...

It's probably no consolation, but "she" isn't blaming you, is quite glad the married man is no longer chasing her

Is that why I've been getting hate e-mails and my husband has had to change his mobile phone number to stop her pleading for him to go back to her. Honestly Steve if you believe that you are a bigger fool than I took you for, and I thought you'd read what my husband posted on his LJ account, of her manipulation of the situation and the emotional blackmail and threats of what she would do if he didn't leave me.

rathgild said...

Oh and remember when it was clear he was coming up to Edinburgh to stay permanently she suddenly decided that she wanted to be in Edinburgh too. Now that doesn't sound a bit like him chasing her at all.