Someone has said that I was being unfair to Charlotte blaming her for my suicidal state. Can I say for the record that I am not blaming her for my state of mind. It seemed it was the only way to get through to her that I was unable to cope with her problems, and despite telling her, and indeed having posted in my LJ that I wasn't coping with "life the universe and everything" a post that she commented on, still having her off-loading her problems was too much. To then have her refuse to either acknowledge that I had a problem, using behaviour patterns (whether consciously or unconsciously I don't know and will not speculate on as it doesn't help either of us) that were making me feel guilty for not having time for her. I think the final straw was her telling me that she didn't have time for my problems, and flat refusing to even let me voice my mental discomfort whilst she has ignored me saying the same thing to her. Basically, the rant was a cry for help, a final attempt to say I'm struggling too, so if you won't listen to my problems don't off load your problems onto me and don't take away my only support when you have so many others who will support you. It didn't come out like that but that's what it was.
End of subject
UPDATE 24 June 2006
As will be coming out over the next few days the real reason for my blow up was that I knew about Charlotte's affair with my husband. So there I was with my husbands bit on the side (a) driving me to a suicidal state (b) trying to keep my husband away from me whilst I was in a suicidal state and (c) trying to get me to help and sympathise with her issues.
Under the circumstances I think I was very restrained in my handling of the situation.